Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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