can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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