I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
