this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there was a trapeze. enough said
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
