nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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