Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
