I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
