I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
