East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's paper in my vomit.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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