I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
