If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
