No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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