mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
