We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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