laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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