why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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