Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
