Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
