You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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