I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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