I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
