She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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