i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
