If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
