Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize