We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
