I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize