I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
