You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
