hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
