??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Randomize