He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize