My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
