I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm too high and old for this...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
