I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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