I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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