I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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