You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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