this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
