Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My liver just broke up with me...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
