i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
