my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
