I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
barbara walters just said penis...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
