Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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