I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
