i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
