i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
