SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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