you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
