Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
