did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
