At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I stole a fireplace last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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