So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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