I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
