so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
