I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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