Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
