2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize