yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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