Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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