..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
