No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
