before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
