this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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