i think i have two assholes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
