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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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