i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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