Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
