I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
