I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
