I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
