I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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