She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
