his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
